West Ham 1 - Fulham 1

Green's Groundhog Day unexpectedly cancelled

Points Awards

• Yellow Card (1): D. Etuhu
• Amateur dramatics (1): E. Johnson
• Miss by mile (1): Z. Gera
• Miss by mile (1): E. Johnson
• Miss by mile (1): F. Piquionne
• Miss by mile (1): V. Obinna
• Miss by mile (1): V. Obinna
• Miss by mile (1): V. Obinna
• Miss by mile (1): D. Duff
• Goalmouth Miss (3): D. Kamara
• Goalmouth Miss (3): D. Etuhu
• Missed Goal (2): P. Barrera
• Assist - 2 (2): B. Hangeland
• Disappointing player (3): C. Dempsey
• Yellow Card (1): M. Upson
• Yellow Card (1): S. Parker
• Yellow Card (1): D. Gabbidon

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

West Ham keeper Rob Green must have been dreading this one: the first time since his world-class display of f**kwittery in South Africa back in June that he would face his American arch-nemesis, his worst nightmare, the Itchy to his Scratchy, the one-man architect of England’s wholesale moral collapse, Clint Dempsey.

We don’t mind telling you that we at Fantasy F**kwit were wetting ourselves in anticipation of another glorious showcase of goalkeeping discombobulation, a second masterclass of indecision and all-round haplessness.

Sadly, though Dempsey did indeed put one past Green on the half-hour, the Upton Park net-minder could not be faulted. No points there, then.

No points either just after half-time for Hammers defender Danny Gabbidon when, between them, Fulham’s Eddie Johnson and Dempsey failed to take advantage of the goal opportunity his slackness on the ball presented.

But Brede Hangeland got himself a pair of points for a sloppy pass that Luis Boa Morte fed through to Victor Obinna, whose cross found Frederique Piquionne unmarked in front of the Fulham goal, placing his header beyond Schwarzer's reach.

Otherwise, it was a match full of missed chances, earning points across the board for Damien Duff (1 pt), Obinna (3 pts), Piquionne (1 pt), Johnson (1 pt) Zoltan Gera (1 pt), Pablo Barrera (2 pts), Dickson Etuhu (3 points) and Diomansy Kamara (3 pts).

So, not a bad points haul but not quite the total f**kwit blockbuster we were all expecting to savour.
By Gary Wiggins

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