Meet our 'expert' panellists
Keith Rodgers
Premiership Team: Spurs
FF team: The Dregs
Qualifications: Several decades of watching football, sometimes while sober; sits next to a season ticket holder who actually knows something about the game, so we're hoping some of that will rub off
What we worry about: Memory like a goldfish; retains football facts in much the same way that a BP offshore drilling platform retains oil
Andy Hulme
Premiership Team: Everton
FF team: Constant Disappointment
Qualifications: Decades of watching the other team in Liverpool strut its stuff (and we're not talking Tranmere) has given him a suitably jaundiced view of life in the Premiership: helped create the Fantasy F**kwit rules, so may actually remember one or two of them when he's doing the scoring
What we worry about: Genuinely appears to believe that Everton will finish third this season
Mat Snow
Premiership Team: Spurs
FF team: Young Boys of Burnage
Qualifications: Former editor of one of our favourite magazines, Four Four Two, and an experienced journalist whose talents range from football to music. Particularly handy if we ever need a review of the half-time match day entertainment
What we worry about: Probably over-qualified, to be honest - our scoring system wasn't really designed for people who know what they're talking about
Boyd Robinson
Premiership Team: Arsenal
FF team: ArsenalRocks
Qualifications: Hands-on football experience, starting (and indeed ending) by captaining Marshchapel Primary FC. “It was a good game and we all really enjoyed it.”
What we worry about: Admits that he’s “more X spurt than expert”, suggesting that he may have grasped the wrong end of the stick when it comes to the ‘fantasy’ component of the game
John Crace
Premiership Team: Spurs
FF team: WeloveyouGomes
Qualifications: Satirical writer with a suitably jaundiced view of the Premiership – so much so that he’s currently writing a book called ‘A Year of Disappointment’ about the existential futility of supporting Spurs for 40 years
What we worry about: Proper journalist working on a proper newspaper (The Guardian), so may try to impose unwelcome quality standards on our match reports. On the other hand, probably has his own typewriter
Alan Wigley
Premiership Team: Wolves
FF team: The Molineux Marvels
Qualifications: Born in Manchester, so not qualified to support United - but has been a season ticket holder at Wolves for over 30 years. Reputation for never being late for a game or leaving before the end - but never makes it back to his seat until five minutes into the second half while he finishes his pint.
What we worry about: Grew up supporting Hyde United in the old Northern Premier League - never recovered from the double whammy of seeing Hyde's arch-rivals Chorley FC beat Wolves 3-0 in an FA Cup match
Gareth Evans
Premiership Team: Manchester United
FF team: Gary Neville’s Tash
Qualifications: Grew up in Wales and currently residing in London, making him the quintessential Manchester United fan. Watches way more football than can possibly be healthy
What we worry about: Has a chronic tendency to judge everything in life by the standards of the 1999 treble winning team. And then wonders why he's single
Kelley Kawano
Premiership Team: Chelsea
FF team:
Qualifications: Female, American, and a minority, so in Andy Gray's reckoning, none; freelance writer and doctoral student specializing in 'British culture', so clearly starting her research in the right place; Co-author of "HSPN: Hair Sports & Entertainment Network"
What we worry about: Tendency to call football "soccer". Finished 4th last season with a strategy of "buying Blackpool early and often"; may not be aware Blackpool was relegated
Ray Porter
Premiership Team: Chelsea
FF team: Mad Hatters
Qualifications: Hard to believe after you've spent an evening in the pub with him, but was once a pretty decent footballer: lives in Asia, giving him first-hand knowledge of where all the replica United shirts end up
What we worry about: Last time he saw a live game, shorts barely covered players' thighs and Chelsea were still shite
Jason Nisse
Premiership Team: Arsenal
FF team: The Gus Ceasars
Qualifications: Former newspaper journalist who specialised in exposing the murkier sides of football finance, prior to shifting into public relations where he now specialises in covering things up; lives within a stone's throw of the Emirates, significantly increasing the odds that he may make it to the occasional game
What we worry about: Asking a spin doctor to write a match report is like asking Alastair Campbell to write a dossier on Iraq's WMDs - it will go on for ever and probably be bollocks
Gary Wiggins
Premiership Team: West Ham
FF team: Real Betis Hotpot
Qualifications: Longstanding season ticket holder (up until this season, that is, what with Icelandic banks and everything....): graphic designer by trade, so if he doesn't like what he sees on the pitch he can always draw a cartoon version with a happier ending
What we worry about: Tendency for his missus to turn the TV over halfway through a match to watch MasterChef: tendency for him not to notice his missus has turned the TV over